Stop, Hammer Time!
by Goobtroop
Summary: The "Mario" Universe is filled with many colorful characters, sadly though it's not often we are given the chance to glimpse into the lives of some of the more common denizens of this world. Hence this story follows the misadventures of three Hammer Brothers and all they encounter (Author's Note: My dear friend JR150 is writing a story that inspired this one, check it out it!)
1. Little Red Is Missing

It is well known that the glorious King of All Koopas, a.k.a Bowser, has quite the kingdom, and with such lands to control, and of course infamous enemies to fight, quite the army to go along with it. The list is long and arduous, the casualty list is most certainly a lot longer . Goombas, shyguys, a menagerie of bullets, spikey things that most forget the name of, and of course the bulwark of the army, a whole family of different koopas. Koopa Troopas and Paratroopas being the most common of the bunch, often seen walking about, on the lookout for that most unprecedented of heroes, Mario. At the top of this section of Bower's army lie the Hammer Bros, so coined the name for the various hammer like projectiles thrown hither and dither as they try to deter their most hated enemy

But what isn't so well known is the fact that the war, and even though the King has refused to actually call it a war and more of a… *ahem* "Forceful Action"... has taken quite a toll on his subjects and sadly, volunteers no longer cut it anymore, and conscription has been required for probably a long time, but really when you have years labeled as ✩✩✩✩, it's hard to remember.

It's not all gloom and doom for the subjects for his royal terribleness though, after all most of the time they're after just one guy, or just one girl, or babysitting his kids so really how bad could it be?...

This was the question that one certain Hammer bro asked himself on a daily basis, not because he needed reassurance that everything would be ok, but rather he liked a good laugh, and if he couldn't laugh at his own misery than life would really not be so hot. His name was Kurt, and like all Hammer Bros were to be required, he was indeed a brother to someone, two someone's to be exact.

It was kind of odd, how unlucky they all were to be assigned to different units, not to mention how each particular unit eerily lined up with their previously chosen profession. It was something he thought about often and yet another thing that made him chuckle from time to time, just the dramatic irony of it all.

"Maybe the universe does have a sense of humor after all eh?" he mumbled to himself, in the comfort of the castle. The cold, hard, brooding, death trap filled castle… So maybe it wasn't so comfortable, but he was on break and alone, so if that didn't constitute as a comfort, than he'd hit himself with his own hammer.

Normally, in these wonderful moments of solitude he would work on a private project, maybe write to his lovely third cousin that was twice removed, but today, today was a good day to talk to oneself about the idiosyncrasies of life. "They give us these helmets as protection, as if we were going on a bike ride"

And that would have been the extent of his break had it not been for yet another abnormality of the day to come barging in on his quiet break

"WHOA! Its my broslice hombre brother! Watch out!" it was Kurt's brother, an obvious dude of a Boomerang Bro, it was also a frisbee, which landed on Kurt's face with enough rudeness to tip a cow. "Oh total bummer man… But hey, what's up bro!" the blue shelled turtle jogged over to his frisbee covered brother and plucked it off his face, only to reveal a bit of smoke and frustration

"Jack... what are you doing here, and furthermore what is this disc of yours doing here?" Kurt had always seen himself the responsible one, the party pooper as the youngest one liked to call him, and normally Jack had a guard post to be at this hour

"Oh you know man, just tossing some frisbee with the guys, but you know you caught it so the games over now. Made a touchdown and everything without even playing, that's pretty legit" He was obviously impressed with said feat… and very unaware of the implications of the question given to him, which wasn't uncommon for Jack, much to Kurt's chagrin

"Jack, aren't you suppose to be on guard duty or something?" he crossed his arms and raised an inquisitive eyebrow

However Jack didn't take to parental like gesture "Nah bra" he waved a dismissive claw at him "I got an early break today, castle's been busy with all the stuff lately"

"All the stuff?"

"Oh yeah man, _**all**_ the stuff"

This was apparently all Kurt was going to get out of his brother as to why he was here and what was going on, but hey, he was a big Koopa, if Jack wanted to get in trouble so be it "If that's the case, and now that you've disturbed my alone time, why don't we pay our other sibling a visit eh?"

"Little red? Sure, yeah, sure, it's been awhile since us bros got together and did a mumbo" without saying else Jack helped his slightly older brother of his cot and the two began walking out

"You know, I still don't understand what you say half the time"


	2. Platforming!

Bower's Castle is in a constant state of repay, reconstruction and redesign. Say what you want about his actual plans to stop Mario but the Koopa King is an insane architect, perhaps quite literally. No matter what one were to say about his majesty's building habits though, it wouldn't change the fact how utterly confusing it is to find things in the place

"...Are you sure it's this way, I'm pretty sure we've past that same Thwomp three times now"  
"Nah bro, I'm one hundred percent certain that guy right there is Gary, and the last guy we past was Norman, sup Gary" Jack waved to the Thwomp in question, and in typical crushing rock fashion the Thwomp responded

"UGH!"

"See man, it's totally Gary"  
Kurt was going to have to be satisfied with this little lack of evidence that this particular falling sentient rock of doom was indeed called Gary, and that they hadn't passed him for the third time in a row. "I still can't believe our brother was put onto kitchen duty" he felt the need to change the subject

"I know bro, I know, Little red can barely toast toast without a toaster."  
"...I don't think most of us can make toast without a toaster"  
"Yeah but we don't have fire powers, whoosh whooshy zing pow!" he flailed his arms about to mimic what he perceived how one were to use said fire powers

"I really hope that wasn't the logic used to put him into the kitchen, but considering the "need" for all these skull track-ways over lava pits perhaps I shouldn't question the logic of the situation" Kurt held his arms out in balance, he truly hated these over certain death rides they had to take sometimes in their own castle, to the kitchen of all places "You sure we're heading to the right place Jack?"  
"Oh yeah sure, I'm sure, it's just over this lava, down some cage climbing things, over more lava, gotta jump on some levitating platforms over some hot stuff that might be lava but I forgot to stop and ask, and then past the hallway where a bunch of Gary's buddies hang." Jack counted the various obstacles on his claws like a grocery list

Kurt on the other hand just sort of gave him a blank expression "Typical… How often do goomba's die trying to go to the bathroom?"  
"Dude why are you asking me man, I barely know what goomba's are" while that statement wasn't really true, it wasn't worth arguing over either

"Because for some unexplained reason you know the most inane amount of random things, leading me to believe you actually do something on your breaks besides play frisbee"

"Nah man, I just soak all this in, 24/7" Jack spread his arms out, and did a rather dangerous spin on the moving skull track-way, like it wasn't some dark dank castle and more of a majestic nature scene, if Kurt didn't know any better, small birds would have come fluttering by and small sparkles could have been seen in the air.

But Kurt did know better, and what his brother said was just as confusing and vague as ever, which in a small way was rather comforting "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, well here's our stop, let's get this idiotic platforming done."

Climbing, jumping, running, holding onto ledges while you convince your brother that yes you really do need help or you'll fall into a fiery pit of pain and suffering, were all old hat for both Kurt and Jack. They did live here most of the time, and King Bower wasn't changing how he ran things anytime soon, so really if they weren't experts by now, there wouldn't be a story about them. So with a lot of the aforementioned actions, a few bits of barely understandable banter the two "Hammer" brothers found themselves at a long hallway  
"...All this security for a kitchen, are you sure Jack?" Kurt was holding his knees trying to catch his breath, nonsensical indoor structures took a lot out of him, both physically and mentally

"You have got to learn to trust your main turtle Jack bro, I know for a solid and a liquid fact that the door over there goes to the kitchen, and… you ready for this…. Our brother"

"What a marvelous conclusion, well we're here now so we might as well check it out" Kurt picked himself up and walked under the hallway of Thwomps, for once being able to relax within his own walls

Jack, right next to his green shelled brother took a huge whiff of the air "You smell that bro?"  
"What? The smell of mildew, burning fire and brimstone, musty stone, and forgotten who knows what?" he put his claw on the door, pushing it open

"Yeah man! Thats the kitchen!" they walked in simultaneously, and the chaos before them was a sight not meant for the faint of heart


	3. A Cheep-Cheep Kitchen Call

"Well you weren't wrong…" was all Kurt could utter at the scene before them, the havoc and the mayhem that was tossed about was in fluid motion.

Koopas, goombas, Spineys, shyguys, latukia's, and all manor of Bowser's minions were milling about the massive kitchen. After all, his Lord Awfulness had a large appetite… and that wasn't even counting all of his kids, all eight of them. Oh yeah there was the army too, but pfft it was gruel for them every other day, and hardtack and swill on the off ones. It wasn't much of a secret why they had to conscript these days.

"So our brother is in here somewhere, do you see him Jack?" they hadn't left the door way, it was a hazard to, with the frantic dashing about made by so many different cooks, chefs, and servers

"Nah bro, all I see is a bunch not-our-brother dudes, Hey wait a minute!"

" You see him? Where is he?!" Kurt jumped on his brother shoulders to get a better look

"Whoa hey bro, I was talking about the guy in the big puffy hat" Jack struggled to point to a singular Cheap-cheap in the center of the chaos, the central chef "I don't know man, but I think he's the big cheese here"

Climbing down from Jack's shoulders, Kurt frowned "Oh… well I guess talking to the top banana couldn't hurt right?"

"Right! That's the spirit bro! Come on!" before Kurt could stop him, Jack was lost in the moving mass of a kitchen and the Koopa adorned with a helmet and a hammer was forced to dive in after him.

"Excuse me, pardon me, whoa watch it, hey that doesn't smell half bad, oops sorry, just trying to get to my brother, what? NO! Eewwww, watch your step, dang it Jack where'd you go!?" The confused koopa called out in mild distress among the sea of minions

"Yo, up here bro!" Jack waved to his brother, somehow already to the Cheep-Cheep, who was looking very annoyed and seemed to be barking orders  
"Get this delinquent down from here! His majesty's feast is paramount to my attention!" the fishes voice was high and squeaky, and if it weren't for the seriousness of the situation, hilarious in the current state of anger .

As Kurt was pushing through the crowd, even brandishing his hammer a little to get a more clear path, Jack was now dealing with a set of Paratroopas trying to drag him off the little island from which the Cheap-Cheap commanded on "Ah come on fish dude, I just wanna ask you a question"

"What are you fools doing? Get him down from here!" the Paratroopa's continued their assault on the lone Boomerang flinging turtle, the panic on their faces showing as Jack was being rather stubborn about going anywhere. Hopping about and running around the small island while the Cheep-Cheep made frustrated fish noises.

 _We are so going to get demoted to toilet duty…_ Was all Kurt could think as he jumped onto the heads of the kitchen staff trying to get to his brother faster "Sorry! I'll clean that up later, pardon me coming through" while much more dangerous and troublesome this new mode of transportation certainly got him there faster and soon enough he jumped on to the kitchen island with his brother

"Whoa, hey there bro, old pal, old friend of mine! This Fishy dude has a lot of stuff to say, you should totally ask him that question though" he winked at him and waved at the confuzzled paratroopa's regaining their attention and their ire

"You two better be from Bowser himself, otherwise he shall hear of this tomfoolery!" the Cheap-cheap puffed his cheeks up in anger and if Kurt wasn't mistaken there was smoke coming out of his… ears? _Do fish have ears…._

"Oh! Oh no sir, we were just looking for our brother, he was suppose to be posted here on kitchen duty and-"  
"YOUR BROTHER!" Was what Kurt was cut off by "You are telling me that, that Fire bro is your blood brother!?"

The high pitch of the fishes voice gave Kurt the un-easiest of feelings "Um yes?..."

"I sent him out of my kitchen, never to return! You find him and take him as far away from this sacred place, go begone! Or I swear I will make turtle soup out of you!"  
"Whoa dude, that's like harsh… do you eat Koopas man!?" Jack never got his answer though, as he was dragged away by his brother off the the island and down once more into the moving masses

"Lets just go, if our brother is in trouble we need to find him, and if that… Cheap-Cheap is to be believed then he most certainly is in trouble"  
"Aww come on man, how bad could it really be, we didn't start a fire"

Kurt stopped walking for a moment to take a good long look at his brother "... I'm going to pretend that you understood the context of what you said and not say the obvious thing about our _fire_ brother." he began walking again leaving Jack puzzling in thought

"Wait…. Are you saying that Little Red could have started a fire?" he caught up

"Yes Jack, yes I mean both literally and figuratively"

"Well why are we mouthing off? Let's get going!"

"Yes let's" pushing through the crowd together they made their way to the back exit of the kitchen, hoping that there hadn't been a fire to put out, and certainly if there was, it wasn't their brothers fault.


	4. Brothers Three

The altercation in the kitchen had happened so quickly and was filled with such an underlying sense of chaos that once the two brothers stumbled out of the back door from the cookery and had a moment to look around Kurt realized something. "Jack… when does your break end?"

"Uh when a guy comes around and tells me "Hey Jack! Get your arse back over here!"

"In other words you don't know?"

"Yeah I do, it's when a guy comes arou-"

"Alright alright I get it, point is I think I'm over with my break time too"

"Awesome, we're like totally doing brother stuff right now!" Jack held his claw up for a high five of comradery, and out of instinct Kurt gave it a hearty slap.

"Uh huh, well is we got to find our brother A.S.A.P, get back to our posts, and hope that, that Cheap-Cheap doesn't report all before we're found missing"

"Yeah! A mission of impossible accomplishment, I like it! So uh, where would Little Red go?" the Boomerang clad Koopa scratched his helmet, most likely convinced it was itchy.

"Hmmmmm, where is he normally posted when he isn't sent on kitchen duty? I should know this darn it" Kurt grumbled at himself, hitting his helmet with his hammer to try to stimulate a better thought process.

"Chill out dude, we'll find him, I mean come on, it's not like we haven't done this sort of stuff before, you remember when I ate that whole box of dumplings and got really sick for like a week?"

Kurt stopped his constant hammering and looked his brother square in the eyes "Yeah"

"Well this is just like that, expect without out the whole me getting sick part, or the dumplings, man it's too bad there aren't dumplings though"

"So what does that have to do have to so with this?..." Kurt leaned forward a little, waving his claw in a little circle for more information

"Nothing I guess, but look man, what I'm trying to say is we'll be fine, we're always fine. And little Red?, pfft I think the guy can handle himself he's only like two years younger than you, you know?"

"I… I know, just, well he's got his issue and I would hate for him to get into more hot water."  
"I don't know man, I think he'd love a hot bath… Oh, oh you mean him getting into trouble, well lets find him instead of moping around eh? I mean come on how hard could it be, he couldn't have gone far and he's our bro, we always find each other, because brother magic is totally a thing I swear"

Kurt chuckled, his spirits lifted from the pep talk "Right let's go find our brother!" he raised his hammer towards the horizon for dramatic effect and charged off into the distance, without a clue. But now was not the time for logical planning, now was the time for heroism and rash action!

That was of course until Kurt heard the following "WAIT! You're going the wrong way!"

"Whoa dude, hold up, it's Little Red" Jack hadn't taken to the whole gun-ho attitude quite as fast as Kurt and was able to stop and turn to actually see who called out to them

Kurt however had made it to a full tilt sprint and trying to turn around to see if indeed it was his youngest brother, resulted in a full frontal face plant, complete with a few feet worth of skidding

"Oh he's not going to be happy to see me now is he?" the familiar voice winced as it came closer

"Nah dude, Big Bro over here was almost in tears trying to figure out where you were like, a couple seconds ago"

Kurt grunted on the ground, and turned himself over, looking up at the two Koopa's from his back "I was not about to cry, but if you two thick shells don't help me up you will be" it was a good natured threat if there ever was one, he had found his youngest brother

"You know, if you wanted to find me you could have called" the red shelled Koopa waved his phone in front of Kurt as he grabbed on of his claws

"Ohhhhhhhh yeah thats right I totally forgot about the phones…." Jack accordingly grabbed the other and heaved his brother up

Kurt had forgotten about the phones too, and actually had left it as his bunk, but hey who needed to know? "Regardless it's good to see you Janis. We heard about the kitchen incident and were admittedly a little worried"  
"Yeah, where's the fire, man?" Jack remembered what Kurt said about fires and figured he should bring it up

"Oh if you want him you'll have to dial up 911" the Fire brother deadpanned tossing his brother his phone "Anyway, the kitchen thing? Ah don't sweat it, that Cheap-Cheap has a temper hotter than the lava he cooks with"

Kurt was not amused however "What did you do Janis?"

And while Jack was still trying to figure out why he had been given a phone, Janis rolled his eyes "Gosh, mom..." he threw his head back in mock angst "If you must know, I told him he was cooking his soup wrong"  
"Wait, you know how to cook dude? Well there goes my toaster theory…" Jack commented while still inspecting the phone

"I know how to cook when it comes to herbs, and any simpleton knows that you don't put thyme in a Koopa's dish, you put in rosemary, maybe, but thyme!? Everyone knows that gives Koopa's indigestion, duh!" he clenched his claws in obvious frustration at the ignorance of a supposed head chef

Kurt however just raised an eyebrow "So that's it, you told him he was doing something wrong?"

"Ehhhhhh, not quite. I told him he was doing something wrong, he got mad, I told him he was doing something wrong, he got more mad, I told him he was really doing something wrong, he got mad and ignored me, I destroyed his soup in order to save his majesty the king from a long night on his porcelain throne. I mean it was my duty after all, I couldn't really help myself, it was a nice bonus to see that Cheap-Cheap's face though…"

"I get the picture now-"

"Yeah me too, hey Little Red you didn't tell you got Big Bro in his sleep" Jack had found the camera on the phone after a long search for Janis's joke

"Gimme that" the phone was quickly swiped "So yeah, that is the gist of it, no more kitchen duty for me." he shrugged "Can't say I'm too bent out of shape about it"

"So you're not in any trouble?" Kurt asked one final time, feeling much better about the whole situation, he just wanted to hear a simple answer at this point to wrap the stress up

"Um I never said that…."


	5. Take The Flowers and Run

"See I maybe sort of did a thing that would probably constitutes as troubling but really it's all a matter of perspective" Janis was prepared to ramble on indefinitely when both of his brothers confused/annoyed looks got to him "Ok, ok, ok I snuck into the royal gardens and stole a few fire flowers" to prove this statement the Fire bro rustled around the hammerspace of his shell and pulled out a nice looking corsage of the red flowers

"Janis!" Kurt snatched them with zeal

"Come on dude we talked about this" Jack in return patted his younger on the back

"I know, I had a weak moment ok? I was just walking on by and I saw the sign for the garden and I just thought, Hey I mean it's just a few flowers right? I mean, I mean it's not like they would miss them or anything, right?" he shrugged with giving them a weak smiling, feeling rather guilty already

"You were found out weren't you?" Kurt, while not wanting to be hard on his youngest brother had to find out what sort of trouble they'd be facing.

"Besides the Chain Chomps set to guard the place? Not really, I'm sure the royal gardener will notice when he does his thing, but it's not like I was seen or anything"

"Righteous, thats our bro, stealing things and being a pro about it!" despite the seriousness of the situation Jack offered his fire brother a fist bump

Which he received and smiled "I still wanted to find you guys though, I figured I would have to hide the flowers with someone."

"Wait, are you saying that you came looking for us, how'd you find us than? Kurt interjected with yet more boring and serious questions

"Oh I asked Norman, who apparently saw you earlier, and he told me his friend Gary-"

Jack lit up with recognition "Oh hey, I know that guy, goes UGH! Alot?"

"Yeah that's the one, anyway so Norman told me that Gary told him where you guys were heading to the kitchen, so I looped back here and, wala! Here we are."

"Huh, regardless of how you found us, it's good that you did, of course now we have to make it to back our posts before we get into more trouble" finally able to calm down some Kurt cracked his neck to relieve some of the stress that had built up.

" Awww you're no fun brother of mine" Janis punched Kurt's shoulder lightly in jest "But I suppose you're not wrong, enough shenanigans for one day, right? Lead the way, I found you guys, you guys can find our way home"

Kurt was about to retaliate, but as irony would have it he never got the chance too "There he is! I saw him jump over the garden wall! He stole my best flos ignis!" a squat mole whose name was not Monty, was jumping up and down in frantic fashion to the Koopatrols he had brought with him, Jack in regular fashion was the first to notice

"Uh, who's that guy? And why is he talking about his dental floss?"

Janis eyes grew wide in panic "That's the royal gardener, and he's not talking about floss."

"What are you saying Janis?"

"RUN!" the fire brother didn't wait for his brothers to catch on, neither did the spiky shelled Koopatrols as they dashed nearly head first at the three brothers

"Jack, I think we should follow our brothers lead…"

"You don't have to tell me twice bro" hence both brothers took up after their brother, with the King's highest guards in hot pursuit who were now spewing guard like gibberish as they gave chase.

Such phrases like, "Halt!," "By the Order of Bowser" and "Stop Criminal Scum!" were thrown at the brothers as they ran, dashed, jumped, and volted across the many cobblestoned floors of Bowser's castle.

"Yo um Little Red, I know you said you weren't seen and all, but why does this guy like seem to think he saw you steal his stuff man?" Jack huffed out as they were climbing over a dropped Thwomp, most likely a good friend of Gary.

"He's a monty mole! He was probably under ground or something, I dunno, does it matter?!" he helped his brother up as he saw the force pursuing them had grown to ludicrous levels. Paratroopas, Koopatrols, goombas, the random lava bubbles that got bored jumping up and down all day, and other figures and shapes that simply didn't look friendly were now kicking up dust trying to catch them "Lets just go!"

Kurt had already made it to the other side of the Thwomp and while he was waiting for his brothers to hit the ground running he nodded to the rather polite crushing rock "Thank you for understanding sir, normally we wouldn't walk on top of you but we're in a bit of a bind"  
"UGH!" was all the rock replied, rather understanding of the whole situation, in fact he had been in plenty of instances where he found himself between a rock and a hard place, and he _was_ a rock

"Dude, Say hi to Gary for me!" Jack shouted as he landed on the ground with a thud, sprinting onward followed shortly by Janis who first threw a fireball or two into the oncoming horde and when Kurt shot a disapproving glance back to him as they ran he replied.

"Relax it's just friendly fire" none of them had time to laugh at the double meaning phrase, for the mob was still hot on their tails and at this point getting caught was most certainly toilet duty for the rest of the year.


	6. Coming to You Live

Running within the Mushroom kingdom, or any kingdom in direct related to the Kingdom of Fungi for that matter, is a rather interesting phenomenon. It is interesting for the following reason, the current record for longest running time is approximately a whole week, held by a dedicated goomba named Steveoomba, and he achieved this amazing feet waddling passionately between two "?" blocks while waiting for Mario to appear so he could teach him a lesson. Steveoomba's record breaking sprint was only broken when the hearty little goomtroop was stomped on his head by the said Mario he was on the watch for. Steveoomba was buried with high honors and today his son Steveoomba Jr. is currently trying to beat his father's record running the whole length of small hill over and over and over again.

The Story of Steveoomba no matter how amazing or tragic proved that one could probably run indefinitely… but only sometimes? There's no solid science saying it one way or the other, the prevailing theory is that the air is magical, further research needed of course.

Whatever the case, this idea seemed true for the three Brothers, only one of whom actually carried a hammer. The three of them, not the mention the entourage of followers they had gathered had traversed over half of the Castle of Bowser, which the World 8 Vacation brochure stated "The Biggest Freaking Castle since our last model! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!", a rather newsworthy situation

And of course there was a fair share of capitalizing news stations picking up on the hubub, sending their signals across the kingdom, all the way to the TV set of a young toadish type.

"This is Linguini Lakitu reporting live from the bowels of Bowser's Castle, and we're following a high speed chase of what seems to be three hammer brothers of different variants and an angry mob lead by a very… very squat dot...Oh I've just been informed that is actually an angry Monty Mole" was what came out of the TV which the eyes of a young Toad named Frog were glued to

"Whoa… This. Is. AWESOME! Hey, hey, hey mom come watch this!" he called out into the living room of his house and waited for a bit, no answer "...Hey Mom?!" another moment of silence "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"

The soft pitter patter of tired feet responded this time "What is it Frog?" his mother asked sweetly albeit annoyed

"Look! Something is happening at Bowser's castle" he pointed to the TV, hoping his mother would share the same interest in the action as he did

"Oh… I see that, well stuff is going on there all the time dear." she patted his little shroom head and was about to go back to whatever motherly toad things she was doing

"But mom! Don'tcha see all the guys? There's like a gazillion of them… I wanna meet a bunch of them, maybe Bowser too! Rawr, booga booga booga" he walked about all small Bowser like, well as best as a Toad could anyway

Frog's mother chuckled "Reading too much of Captain Toad again I see, well maybe some day we can take a Vacation there, I hear they have great saunas… and boy could Mom use one of those"

"You mean it? You really mean it?" Frog jumped for joy, forgetting the TV for a moment

His mother thought about it seriously for a moment then nodded "Yeah, it could be a lot of fun, lets see how my next paycheck looks ok?"

"O.K!" with that the two hugged and allowed the TV to be heard once more

"We're going in for a close up now, as it seems the chase has taken a bit of a break, they're all waiting on one of Bowser's famous moving platforms, let's go to Spike, live at the scene"

The Camera jump cut to a Spiney, his spikes replaced with various microphones, most certainly Spike "You bet Linguini! I'm here now talking to three Hammer brothers in question" he crawled up to the green shelled on "Sir, can you tell us how this all started"

Ironically across the other side of the glob, on the edge of her bar, a Ice "bro" was watching intently, a bowl of ice cream in her claw, as the Hammer bro responded "Well, our brother over here he got into a bit of trouble and well one thing lead to another and here we are"

"Oh I see and-" the reporter was interrupted by a blue shelled individual

"Wait! Were on the TV right now? Like right now…. WHOA! Hi Gary!" he waved at the screen

This caused the Ice "bro" to drop the ice cream dish, which in turn caused her customer to jump up startled "Cindy are you alright, it's just the news?" a mouser stooped down to pick up the broken bowl and split ice cream.

The Ice "bro" didn't respond, she had dashed into the back of her Ice Cream parlor only to return with her worn helmet on her head and a heavily laden knapsack on her back "I'm sorry tuts I gotta go, the boys need me" she jumped over the counter

"Wha?" was all the mouser could say before the Ice Sister was out the door and running through the snow, leaving the shocked customer to only have the TV as company.

"...Thank you Spike, apparently the chase is back on! The platform has reached its destination and the three Brothers are off! Where will they go? Stay with News Channel 64 to stay informed!" and thus began the commercial break, unfortunately for the brothers in question there was no break, just more running over stone and jumping over lava.


	7. Koopas At the Races

The chase was in short getting tiring, not in the physical sense, all participants were still running about haphazardly over obstacles and the like, but it had dawned on the brothers that could they really do this forever? One look over their shoulders told them everything, yes, yes they could.

"Hey um bros not to like rain on the parade or anything but I just realized, do we have a plan?" Jack asked as casually as one could given the current action.

"What do you think! We're doing it!" Janis pushed his brother along, hoping that somehow that make him go faster.

Kurt pulled the two around a corner abruptly "Well Jack does have a point… we really should have a plan, we can't run forever…"

"Oh yeah?" Janis interjected "You ever hear of Steveoomba? We got this, ace in the hole"

Before Kurt could reply, Jack covered his mouth with his claw "SHHHHHHHHH! You hear that?"

"What the thundering mob that's after us?"

"No… it sounds all racey and stuff" Jack sniffed the air, like a dog hunting ducks.

"Mmmmphft?" Kurt asked from under Jack's claw which incidentally wasn't removed

"I think, its cars… no wait… dude it's KARTS!" the boomerang brother shouted at the top of his lungs, pointing with his free claw to one of the many kart tracks that King Bowser had for some reason built, in the distance.

Sadly his excitement alerted the mob that had been chasing them and soon the thunderous roar of a thousand anger feet, claws, rocks, and floating things could be heard "Well brothers of mine, last on there is a rotten egg, and has to clean my share of the toilets" Janis bolted towards the track, leaving his brothers in the dust, coughing and taking off after him

"Dude, grab the blue one, the blue one!" Jack cupped his claws together yelling at his brother, finally letting Kurt's mouth free

" Quickly, I think our "fans" have gotten the same idea!" he was almost running backwards as he looked at the mob, which indeed was now making a beeline for the empty karts as well

Jack being in front, made it to a kart first, ignored his brother's suggestion and drove back to pick his fellow Koopas in a fire red kart, there was only one problem it was only built for one

"How we going to fit into this thing!" Kurt threw his claws up in frustration

"Dude I totally got the front" Jack jumped on the hood of the kart and laid down, totally chilling  
Janis chuckled and revved the engine "You better figure out quick brother of mine, race is about to start" he pointed to the incoming crowd of angry creatures

"Ugh fine, I got the back" he hoped on the back of the kart, balancing on the back of the seat, holding on for dear life

"I'd say safety first and buckle up but I think we're breaking more than a few driving laws already, but for dramatic effect I think I'll say it anyway"

"What's that?"

"Buckle up!" he yelled as he put the petal to the literal metal and shot the kart forward, Kurt's feet flying into the air and Jacks claws catching some wind

"YEAH HOOOO! Road trip!"

And thus the race began, if it could be called that, technically the real race began at least a lap ago and the professional races were a bit put off by the sudden influx of intruders. So put off that the race quickly turned into a derby. A three way battle of little zipping karts. The Racers, the Mob, and in middle of it all the three brothers, all of them now armed with those wonderful little boxes of mystery.

"What the heck is these guys problem? It's not like we want to win their blasted race" Janis drifted past Shyguy who was shaking his fist at the three of them

"We don't?" Jack asked genuinely confused as he batted a banana out of their way with a boomerang

"Ok maybe we do, but still we're just trying to get from one place to another, it's nothing personal" Janis reasoned with himself more than anything, only sort of focused on driving, more focused on monologuing.

"Guys! That Monty Mole is catching up!" Kurt tapped his brother on the shoulder his eyes nervously looking at the gardener now driving a steam roller-kart hybrid. Truly a marvel of kart technology.

"Well throw your hammer at him or something, I'm kind of busy driving past this SLOWPOKE!" he leaned slightly out of his kart to yell at crashed racer, who looked too dizzy to understand anyway.

"Throw my hammer! What are you crazy?!" Kurt quickly checked to make sure it was still there, and to his eternal relief it was "This was grandad's!"

As if on cue Janis drove them through a mystery box as they hit a sharp turn "Chill out man, just throw this" for some reason Jack was the one to obtain the item, but he quickly tossed it to Kurt

"A Shell? A green shell!?" he yelled in shock "How is this legal! Where's the koopa that this came from! Does Bowser know about this!?"  
"JUST THROW IT ALREADY, HE'S CATCHING UP!"

"...I feel so dirty..." almost closing his eyes Kurt hurled the shell at the Monty Mole, causing him to swerve a bit, giving the brothers some more distance

"Alright!.. Wait where did everyone go?..." Janis looked around, and as far as he could tell there weren't any karts around

"Dudes, I think we're in first place… which by the way is most righteous!" he stood up on the hood of the kart doing a little victory dance

"Well at least we have some-" Kurt cut himself off, for he heard a strange wizzing sound which prompted him to look behind them "FLOOR IT, FLOOR IT!"

"What? What is it?" Janis couldn't see with Kurt right behind him

"Blue shell!" but it was too late, the homing shell blew the brothers sky high, off the track, onto a balcony above. When the kart landed with a thud, both Kurt and Janis shook their heads and saw that they had arrived with the vehicle, but Jack had been thrown free, and before the brothers could process where to or look for him two grand doors on the balcony slammed shut.

Kurt stumbled up trying to collect himself, and when he did he gasped "...Janis this is the royal box seat…."


	8. She's As Cold As Ice

Family is an important trope that seems to both bless and plague the world in which the infamous plumber has sought his many adventures to rescue a princess named after both a fungus and a fruit. The heroes of the land are brothers, many of their rivals are brothers, King Bowser himself stresses family, even within his army, one doesn't have to look far see even many of his units are comprised of family ideas. The Hammer bros being the most obvious example of course. However it goes beyond a mere title for many of these sentient creatures, perhaps even a smarty pants scholar person would say that family is one of the driving forces of this world.

Fortunately there are no smarty pants scholars here, no pants in fact whatsoever nonetheless family was indeed the driving force for one particular Koopa as she trudged through the thick snow of her home town. She didn't want to leave, not really, but her cousins… might as well be brothers really were in trouble.

If she was honest with herself though, it wasn't like they hadn't gotten in trouble before, it was practically their last name, and when she served with them only a year ago now, she could recall countless times when she'd hear their names.

But this was a bit different, it wasn't everyday that one got on headline news, and true she was going to bonk their heads together as soon as she caught up with them, but she knew that unlike her they weren't exactly trooper types and without her there to keep em in line it truely was only a matter of time before this happened.

Of course this didn't change how she felt as she rang the little service bell at the train station "I'd like a ticket to world eight if you'd please"

"...Cindy, what on a bomb-bombs bullocks are you doing here? Isn't your parlour open til four?" the normally bored looking ticket giving Penguin, asked the town favorite with a surprised eye

"Normally Penny, normally, but my cousins are in a deep trouble" The Ice sister said as if that was enough, rather seriously too, a Koopa on a mission as it were

The Penguin seemed put off by this, why was the Ice Cream Koopa being so...so… so edgy? "Your cousins? You mean those nice boys that came up last summer, oh come now they couldn't be in that much trouble"

Cindy shot the penguin a "stop messing around and give me my ticket" look "Well they are, and I need my ticket"

Penny the penguin was shocked, what was this all about, why was Cindy so threatening, nothing ever happened in this nice little town with nice little puffy snow balls, so why was the Ice Cream Koopa going all serious sally on her! This… this had to rectified "Now calm down Cindy, I'm sure whatever those boys have gotten into-"

"You listen here fish breath" The ice controlling koopa leaned into the booth "My cousins are in trouble and I'm going to save them, because I'm the only one who will, you get that?! So why don't you-"

"Cindy…" the Penguin squeaked

"What?!"

"Cindy, you're scaring me…."

The angry Koopa blinked, frowned, and instantly calmed "Oh goodness, I'm sorry Penny darling, I… I lost my temper… Oh dear goodness me…" she sighed "Look, I really do need that ticket ok, I promise I'll be back, and when I do why don't you bring that honey-boo of yours over for sundaes on the house eh?" she smiled warmly, almost doing a 180 of emotions within a minute.

It worked enough to calm Penny down, who simply nodded "O...ok… Let me get you your ticket." she waddled off in a daze, still rather shaken in all frankness, what had come over sweet Cindy?... Penny had no clue and the more she thought about it the less she wanted to find out, ignorance was bliss after all. So it was simply easier to get her ticket and place it on the booth counter "Here ya go… Thanks for choosing Regular Rails for all your common train like needs"

Cindy passed the allotted coinage over and smiled "Thanks Penny, I'll see you soon I'm sure" she winked at the Penguin, took the ticket and boarded the train, wondering how she could make it go fast enough to get the boys out of trouble before they got into more.


	9. Pause For Suspense

The royal box seat for, as the name would imply, was for the royal family and was not a place for the common Koopa, obviously. And neither of Kurt or Janis actually wanted to be up there, even if it did successfully help them escape one angry monty mole and the menagerie of minions he had collected along the way.

But for what good was it if they were minus one brother, the one that kept them collected when he wasn't driving them insane with his… his mannerisms.

"Kurt! Help me bash this door down, you got the hammer and all!" Janis was already pounding on the heavy set of large wooden, iron bolted doors.

"What are you crazy?! Do you want to get into even more trouble?" Kurt marched up to his younger brother pulling him away from the door

"Crazy?! CRAZY?" the Fire Bro pushed his brother off of him "Our brother is in there, facing who knows what unspeakable horror and you're worried about getting into more trouble!" he dashed back at trying to bang the doors open.

Kurt frowned and sighed , putting a claw on Janis's shoulder, trying to calm him down "Janis, please stop and think for a moment, whose room is it that you're pounding on?"

The Fire brother didn't listen for almost a solid minute, but after the door still didn't react to his frustrated beating he growled in defeat and looked at Kurt "...Bowser's I guess..."

"Right and while our King can be hard, and sure it's not always the greatest food, or pay, or job, but King Bowser isn't the kind of guy to just kill his subjects, even the… groovy ones"

Janis mused this all over for a minute "Not even the groovy ones you think?"

Kurt shook his head "Nope, not even the groovy ones"

"Well I guess, than our koopa Jack should be fine... But wait what if it isn't Bowser, what if it's someone else! Jack could be being attacked right now!" and just like that Janis was trying to bust down the doors again as frantic as ever.

Kurt could see that he wasn't going to be able to convince his brother this time that breaking into the room was a bad idea, so to speed things along he coughed lightly "Here, let me help you with that " he pulled his hammer out of the tool belt he wore, it wasn't a common part of the Hammer Bro uniform, but for Kurt it was a necessity to have.

Hearing that his brother was going to actually do something Janis backed away, and watched as Kurt wound back his hammer to bust the door, taking a mighty swing, Janis held his breath

Only to let out an exasperated sigh as Kurt stopped just short "Wait a minute" Kurt gave his brother a moment to pause with him annoyance "I think it's a pull door…" he tried this theory on the massive door handles and slowly, but most certainly surely the door creaked open

"Oh… well… um, great!" was all Janis could say at first "Well let's go get our brother!" he rushed into the dark void of the poorly lit room and in his rush to go save his brother from unspeakable horror he bumped into something rather familiar

"Whoa! Hold up there borskie, His Royal Awesome is wanting a bit of privacy…. Hey do I know you?"

"Jack! Your ok!"

"Actually no I'm a Koopa, un at least last I checked"

"Oh shut up you give turkey" Janis jested lightly "What the heck happened?"

"Whatta mean?..."

"In there? You know you were sorta lost in the room and all"

Kurt rolled his eyes "Why don't you two come out here and let Jack explain?" the oldest brother's suggestion did the trick and after some more bumbling around in the dark, all three brothers once again stood together, along with their still smoking go-kart "So Jack wait exactly happened in there?"

"Happened in wha- Oh! Oh yeah, you guys aren't going to believe this! Bowser King Dude has totally asked us to go a mission!" Jack was finally able to deliver to his brothers. This news however totally dumbfounded both of them, not a few minutes ago they were on the run from who knows how many of Bowser's minions in fear that they would be brought back to Bowser himself. "Apparently he was watching us through some magic crystal ball or something, I dunno, but he said he was impressed with our mad tight skills and totally sent us on a mission bros"

"...Your not joking Jack, that's what he really told, are you sure you heard him right?" Kurt was still having a hard time believing what he said

"Oh yeah, sure I'm sure"

Janis shrugged to his doubtful brother and asked "Well what's the mission brother?"

"Get this,we…"

"Yes?..."

"Get to…"

"Yes?..."

"K-"

"Kidnap the princess! I called it!" Janis pulled a fist pump at his skills of predictions of the obvious

"You called nothing, he had no idea what Jack was talking about" Kurt rained on his brother's parade almost like it was a duty, only reserved for the eldest of brothers , of course.

"Ah whatever, the point is we get to go capture Princess Peach for King Bowser, isn't that right Jack"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, um, I think so?... I um actually don't remember which Princess he mentioned…."


	10. Picking a Princess, Possibly Peach?

"Wait, what do you mean you don't remember?" Janis looked at his brother kerfuffled  
"I well er I sort of spaced out when talking to his awesomeness you know? I just well he's so cool! So you know, I got lost in his coolness…"  
"Well great how are we supposed to know what Princess we're suppose to go after" Janis ran a claw over his face

"Now hold on now, it can't be that hard, it's obviously Peach, it's always Peach." Kurt reasoned, feeling very conident in the matter

"Weellllll, Bowser King dude did mention a lot of Princesses…" Jack took off his helmet to think a bit better "So um maybe you guys should help me remember?"

The truth of the matter was the following. Bowser in the manner of all good kings and part time "villains" didn't just give his loyal minion a simple mission, he gave him a monologue. Really there be someone assigned to these guys so they can just get there prescribed monologs out before they destroy their entire planet or something. Sadly for jack though this was not the case for King Bowser, as he got a good lengthy monologue.

Bowser started off by telling Jack that he was impressed with him and his brothers for somehow evading getting caught for so long and their ability to work as a unit, even if they did bicker, quite often at that. HEnce he decided that he was going to send them to go get Peach as usual. He was a little wary of all of these over the top kidnappings, surely she would notice them right?... Besides his kids seemed to be absent recently, hanging out with some Daisy character, Apparently she was a princess, and she was really cool or something? Bowser didn't get it, why the heck would his kids want to hang out with a human? He was cool wasn't he?  
To which Jack of course nodded yes to, duh he was cool, King of the Cool really

But anyway he couldn't have his kids go get Peach because they were off doing things, so he was trusting Jack and his brothers to do it, and maybe if they did it well he'd send them on their next space endeavour. Ever since Year ✭✭✭✭ they had been sending guys into space, after the whole galaxy debacle it's been a topic of controversy among Bowser's realm, but hey space is just so cool. Oh and Rosalina was up there and she's got the space stuff, and that was important and Bowser needed good soldiers but there foiling her plans whatever they happened to be.

And that was more or less all the information Bowser had thrown at Jack, who was just flattered that he was talking to him, and sending him on a mission of all things.

"Wait!" Jack exclaimed "I remember now! Dudes we have to go after the Space Chick!, She was totally the last princess Bowser King Dude mentioned!"

Janis still looked surprised "...Space chick? Do you mean Rosalina? Are you saying Bowser wants us to go into space?"

Kurt shook his claws in disbelief "No no, that doesn't make sense, he meant Peach for sure, come on Jack he probably mentioned Peach the most right?"

Jack thought for a moment "Um… no dude bro, he totally mentioned a Dandelion chick more, like way more"  
"Dandelion… Who in leaping lava is that?" Kurt had to lean on a wall to try to figure out the odd name.

Janis however had the answer "You mean Daisy? The Princess of Sarasaland?.. Bowser wants us to go get the brunette of little renown?"  
"I mean I guess so bros, he totally said something about him being annoyed about her and that he didn't want to go big with this kidnapping" Jack smiled happy to remember for sure now  
Kurt was still not convinced "You sure?... You sure he didn't mean for us to go get Peach?... Did he even mention her Jack?"  
Jack nodded "Oh yeah, like twice I think, but he totally said more about this flower chick, he even seemed shaken about his coolness… dude you know it's serious when that happens"

Janis shrugged in agreement "I guess his Majesty has done stranger things…"

"... So we have to kidnap Daisy huh?... Well I guess… I guess we better get going…" Kurt was still very unsure but he had to trust his brother, who seemed much more confident than before

Jack fist pumped "alright! Mission Capture Flower Chick is a-go! But uh guys how are we getting down" Jack put his helmet back on pointing to the fact they were still on the royal balcony box seat overlooking a Kart track  
Kurt was about to say something but paused clueless "I guess we find some stairs somewhere…"  
Janis however had already thought of something as he revved the still somewhat Kart back up "Way ahead of you guys… hop in or I'll be getting there ten days before you guys even get out of world eight" his foot hovered over the gas

"Dude, totally radical idea man!" jack of course hopped on the front once more, almost as mad as his brother, Kurt just groaned  
"Just don't get us killed, I actually want to meet this Princess Dandelion" he hopped onto the back

"Daisy!"  
"Whatever just drive already you mad koopa!"


	11. In Transition

It is a little known fact, that go-karts do not make excellent flying vessels, despite the best efforts of Kart inventors around the mushroom kingdom and beyond, no matter how many hang gliders you add to the kart, it won't fly it's a sad fact. This of course hasn't stopped the surprisingly lucrative go-kart business tycoons from marketing the idea that go-karts can indeed fly. It's a subject of much controversy actually, seeing how racing is one of the few events that Bowser hasn't been his Kingly Koopa self, sure the tension is there, but come on his royal terribleness does have some class. But with these new fangled "flying" carts, it's only a matter of time before, something breaks, someone plunges into the water, comes in last, and blames their rival for tomfoolery, and bam! No more Mario in a Kart, such a predicament really…

No one told the brothers this of course…. Not that any one of them thought it could fly, but Janis was very determined to try to make it. The result was a much more broken kart and a trip to the infirmary for bandages and a hard scolding from the magikoopa there who had seen the three brothers all to often.

"Next time I see you all again I'm not giving you a lollipop!" The magikoopa nagged to them as they walked out

"...Dudes I think he's serious…" Jack took out his succulent sucker and began to snack on it

"Pfft nah, he says that every time… Hey what flavor you got?" Janis eyed his brothers unopened candy with suspicion

"Oh it's uh banana…" Kurt inspected it briefly before popping it open and into his mouth

"Banana?! What are we monkeys? Do I look like a kong to you!?" Janis bursted on the subject for no foreseeable reason

"Do you want me to answer that question?... Anyway, more importantly than lollipops, we have to find out how to get to Sassafrassland." mentioned as they arrived to the minion bunks, pulling out his few possessions from under his cot

"...Its Sarasaland, how many times do I have to tell you this?" janis sighed doing the same for himself, pulling a menagerie of things from under the bed

"Sounds like a chill place either way, should I bring my shell wax?..." Jack was the last to take his stuff out from under his cot, all three now packing up for the long journey ahead.

For all of them it had been a long time since they had seen their personal belongings and after so long in the army it felt a bit strange to be pocketing some of the items. Kurt put away a measuring tape, a small saw, a bag of nails, an extra hammer, and to top it off two pencils and a worn notebook. He flipped through the notebook with a sigh before stuffing it into his shell "You guys ready?"

"Hold on a minute…" Janis grumbled as he finished his packing. Most of his things consisted of gardening tools, a shovel he slung over his back to be precise and a flashlight that went over his helmet, for all those underground digs and of course his secret stash of fire flowers for all those extra weak moments he had, just looking at them now he licked his lips, but quickly stuffed them away "Alright alright I'm all ready to go… How about you Jack?"

"Sure am bro dude!" he turned around wearing a pair of shades and a floral pattern shirt, the only thing he had packed was his prized frisbee

Kurt paused and looked at his second youngest brother "...We are going to go kidnap a princess you know?"

"Oh right, this is super serious…" he took of the shirt, still wearing the shades "Alright all set! We gonna go to Sassyland now?"

"UGH! It's Sarasland, come on guys if we're going to kidnap a Princess we should at least know the name of where she lives" Janis flung his arms in frustration

"Calm down Janis… but yes Jack we are going, but we have to catch a train which should be leaving in…. Five minutes…" Kurt went white "Um Janis… do you still have the keys to that kart?"

"What you mean the one that sparks now when driven?... Your not serious are you" he looked at his brother and blinked "Yeah I got the keys, should be two minutes sprint form here."

"That gives us three minutes to catch that train. Alright boys, last one there is a rotten mushroom" Kurt smirked at his brothers as he sprinted out of the room

"Hey!... You can't call that!"

"YEAH WHOO! Lets go get us a Princess!"


	12. Muck up On Regular Rails

Vacation visits to the Eighth World are far more common than the average toad might think. When the royalty is not off getting themselves kidnapped or saving the world or whatever, not much is happening. Heck, when things between the Mushroom kingdom and the King of the Koopa's normally go sour, it doesn't last longer than a few days, a few months at most. But all that time in between things are pretty calm and steady. In fact often times the kingdoms hold sports tournaments, races as previously mentioned, and other friendly enough shenanigans. Leaving the rather common folks of both sides to be on fairly good terms, both having accepted that their rulers were going to crazy things and that as that. Hence it was to be expected that enterprising minds would capitalize on the idea that people would want to get away from their home and experience something exotic, and whats more exotic than lava pits, insane architecture and the culture of a Princess obsessed monarch? To many World 1 denizens not much, so the tourist venue in the Land of Koopas was on a high in Bowser's not-kidnap-princess-and-rebuild-everything season.

Cindy couldn't decide if she had the pleasure or the tolerable annoyance to be sharing a couch seat with two such tourists. She may have been an icecream Koopa but there was only so much cute she could take.

"Mom! Look look! Itsa… um… Mom what is that?" the green toad asked his tired looking mother for the uptenth time

Cindy had to give props to the older Toad, she willing turned her head and took a gander out the window to try to answer her son "Frog, that's a tunnel wall sweetie, we can't see anything right now" despite her exhaustion she patted the kid on his head and leaned her head back .

"But mom, i thought I saw something! I swear I did mom!" the toad, apparently named Frog pouted

"I'm sure you did honey, but why don't we both take a small nap ok? I think the nice lady sitting across from us is trying to think and can't with all of your questions" was the mother's diplomatic way of saying to her child "Kid, you need to shut it for a few minutes and rest so I can regain sanity…"

"...Oh" fortunately the kid got the hint real quick and clammered down from pressing his face from the window "Sorry lady I guess I was being kinda got loud"

The Ice Sister was impressed, it wasn't often a kid apologized on his own, especially for something so "not bad". Sure maybe apologizing for stealing your lunch but just being an over excited youth? "Ah you're fine, first time to Koopa Kingdom I guess?" she had been rather silent the whole ride over here, mostly trying to figure out how she was going to locate her cousins as soon as she got off the train

Her question however brought the deflated toad back to life, as he beamed with excitement "Oh yeah! I can't wait to see Bowser's castle! It's going to be awesome! I wanna get a hammer bros autograph!"

Before Cindy could pipe up and explain that she was related to a hammer throwing koopa, albeit he was rather reluctant to actually throw any hammers, she was cut off by the toads mother "Remember dear we might not be able to go the Bowser's castle, we did book a tour of an airship though, remember?"

The small toad did seem disappointed but understanding, besides he did get to go on an airship and that was pretty cool "Alright mom, I remember now… but hey" he turned to Cindy, only barely being shy at this point "Um lady aren't you one of those ice throwing koopas or something?"

"Oh me?" Cindy laughed "Yes, yes I am sweetie pie"

"Wait really? So you work for the big guy, the king of da koopas?" Frog raised his arms wide to suggest that he could somehow represent the size of his royal terribleness

"You bet… well no, no actually, I used to, but I'm officially off duty now."

At this the toad once again seemed to be a tad disappointed but smiled none the less "Oh, well it's cool to meetcha anyway…"

Cindy crossed her arms, if this kid wanted to be impressed than she was going to deliver, in the instant and thanks to flower power she whipped up a ball of ice in her palm "Tell me sweetie pie, you like snow cones?" she smiled at him as his eyes went wide

"Whoa! Mom look, look!" Frog pointed, while his mother just chuckled and mouthed the words Thank You to the kind koopa

"Here let me get you a cup or something to put that in Frog…" the toad poked her head of their booth, trying to flag a busboy or something "Hmmmm I may have to go to the dinning ca- Oh here comes someone" a Toad of waiter-ish nature came scuttling by, running by the mother looking for a cup "...Well how rude"

Cindy frowned, still holding the ball of ice in her claw "Here, take this, I'll be right back" she took off her helmet, put the ice ball into it and passed it to Frog who squeed in typical Toad fashion

Cindy herself stepped out in the train aisle, looking for the rude Toad who ignored a paying train rider. Finding him at the end of the aisle, he seemed to be frantically jumping up and down at the door, making all sorts of nervous panic sounds, this general scene of distress did nothing to ease Cindy's tone

"Hey buddy, what's the big idea of just running past that nice Mom back there!" she tapped the train attendant on the shoulder, clicking her foot upon the ground

"Uhhhh, so-sorry miss I um…" the toad had turned around breaking into a heavier sweat than he had obviously been in before "It's just we're having a bit of a problem on the train, if I could ask you to return to your seat I'll be with you as soon as the problem is fixed…" the toad tapped his gloved fingers together hoping to something that everything would be alright

"Go back to my seat? Nothing doing, what the heck is wrong? We being attacked or something?" she glared, her claws going white with misty ice

"No! No, nothing like that, it's just… all the doorknobs are missing from the train doors...we can't get from car to car…."

"Wait what?..."

"Someone's stolen all the doorknobs…"


	13. Boarding The Crazy Train

Now it's not impossible for one to open a door without a doorknob, perhaps the door is an automatic door, or one of those sliding porch doors where if you press your hands really hard against the screen then slide it to the left/right you can watch it slowly inch along as you breath various curses to the sky, or maybe if you're lucky it's a poorly constructed door and even when it had a doorknob you could just knock it open with a swift kick of triumph. Of course if it happens to not be any of those kind of doors, and the door happens to be locked with one of those annoying separate latch thingys and the doorknob falls off than you better get a hammer, dynamite, and/or laser shark and carefully break down the door.

The Brothers, whom one happened to wield a hammer part time, were not thinking about door problems, they were just catching their breath, panting hard as the eldest held a three tickets in claw "...We made it, we had to set the Kart on fire but we made it"

"Hey that wasn't my fault this time, aight, it was just in poor shape" Janis complained, assuming his brother was referring to him when it came fire

"Whoa dude I think Kurt bro was just talking about the engine giving out or something"

"Yeah yeah I know, just fire is sorta my trigger"

"It is bro?"

"...Nah, I guess not"

"Guys take your tickets, here comes the train" Kurt handed his brothers said tickets, the loud sound of the train coming almost drowning out the sound of his voice.

"Trains are so cool..." Jack had a moment to say as the train pulled to a stop, but stopped his typical jive as even he could appreciate a moment of silence before the next of their journey would begin. Together all three brothers waited… and waited… four seconds of waiting.

Any moment now the doors were going to open their journey would begin… any moment now…

"Um… this is the right train, ri-" Janis couldn't finish his sentence as he caught a door in the face as it was kicked out sending the fire wielding, flower loving koopa to his fanny "...ow…"

On the other end of the door hopped out a small toad and his mother "You be safe now! You tell em that Ice Cold Cindy sent ya, you behave now Frog darling" a voice from behind the happy toads called out, one very familiar to the brothers, one they couldn't see the owner to, till the toads waved goodbye happily and with their bit of luggage made their way to the nearby Hotel, which surprisingly Bowser had quite the business in.

When the toads had finally walked off and the brothers quickly signed autographs for the younger one they got a chance to see whom the voice belonged too, which was now barking orders "You, yeah you! Tell all the passengers to stay in their booths, and you! Check all the doors again, I want them left open!"

"...Cindy?" all three of them raised an eyebrow in unison

"What, can't you see I'm busy her-" she turned around to see who was actually talking to her "...Boys!" she jumped down hugged them and quickly dragged them into the train slamming the broken door shut "What are you chuckle heads up to!" her happy demour snapping with her scowl "I had to come all this way to get you lunk heads out of trouble and I get caught up in train shinagines!"

All three brothers looked at each other, gulped and quickly passed the explanation to Kurt "Um, well I guess you saw the news right?..."

"You bet your hammer flinging butt I did, I can't keep coming back to get you boys out of trouble so you're going to tell me what's going on right now or so help me I'll freeze all of you and drag your cold fannies straight to Bowser."

"Whoa hey chill ou-" Jack was cut himself off for once catching his cousins gaze, fortunately Kurt came to his aid

"Look, we sorted it with his Majesty, and we've been sent on a mission to kidnap Princess Doofy." he said with confidence

"Daisy!"

"Princess Doorknob?, What?..." Cindy despite hearing both an incorrect name and the correct name for the Princess in question got it wrong herself and was most certainly confused at the topic

"Daisy! DaisyDaisyDaisy!" Janis was hopping made at this point "Her name is Daisy, like to flower!...ugh" he heaved a heavy sigh "And yeah, apparently the King wants us to kidnap her, so we were taking a train there."

Cindy looked at her family for a brief moment and burst out laughing "HAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha...hahahaha… Oh you're serious?... Well you're in luck boys, Old Cindy is pulling herself out of retirement."

"Wait what? Cindy you can't be serious, you can't help us kidnap a princess?" Kurt for some reason objected, even though he of all of them was the least enthusiastic of the whole venture

She laughed though "Oh no, you're going to be helping me figure out what's going on with all the doorknobs on this train- Hey nervous Toad!"

"...My names Frank…" The toad whom had the misfortune of being the first one to come contact stammered

"Alright Frank, get this train moving again pronto, I don't want that doorknob thief to get away"

"Oh-oh, ok…" the toad nodded and ran off leaving the Koopa's alone

"Alright boys we got a mystery to solve."

"Wait what?..." Jack was so lost, something about doors… you go through those right?

"Well I only need to know is when we split up and search for clues?" Janis chuckled "But seriously what's going on?..."

"Come on Boys I'll explain on the way" she grouped them together dragging them further into the train as it lurched forward, slowly out of the World know as eight.


	14. Behind Doorknob 1

"So wait, you're telling me that we have to interrogate everyone on the train?..." Janis sighed as he rubbed his forehead

"What part of everyone don'tcha you get Janey?" Cindy chuckled "So you all know the plan, you got your section of the passenger list, get crackin, the doorknob thief has to be on this train somewhere."

Kurt raised up a single claw in objection "Why are we looking for a bunch of doorknobs in the first place again?"

"Because as the train is already moving, you have nothing else to do, and if you don't I'll freeze you so fast, it'll give new meaning to the term freeze frame"

"Alright alright I get it, I'll be in car 3 if anyone wants me for some unknown reason" he walked off mumbling to himself a bit

"Good, now do either of you have any questions or complaints about the matter at hand, or do I have to go over everything toot-sweet?" Cindy passed a knowing eye over her two remaining cousins

"Um no not at all madam cuz bro"

"Me, I'm already gone." Janis ran off to his designated area followed quickly by Jack, both quick to get to out of range of the ice cold touch of their Ice "sister"

Asking a total stranger forceful questions, especially about doorknobs is not a fun or an easy task. Sure the minions of Bowser have experience in said area, most commonly asked questions where "Where's the Princess!?" "Where is Mario!?" and "Have you heard the good News today?". But to ask about doorknobs, stolen doorknobs? This was whole new territory that none of them had ever breached before, and none of them could lie, it felt pretty awkward.

"So, like dude, your promise you didn't steal the knobs?"

"Ehhhhh, whats that?"

"The doorknobs, you didn't steal em right?"

"Floorhobs? Sonny you're going to haveter explain to me whatta a floorhobs is and why I'd want to an eel with one" the old Bombomb leaned forward, to the point where he fell over, rolled to his feet hit the floor again and, booped Jack's torso

"... Er um ok, I think I got it… so um older bombomb dude-" he forgot to ask the guy's name, he was always forgetting things like that, he didn't mean to, he just did sometimes, and he hated to be rude… "So um yeah, let me start over right? Did you eel any floorhobs?."

The old bombomb squinted at the koopa "Sonny are you accuse-anating me of stealing doorknobs? That's just silly, I can barely jiggle a doorknob leta lone steal one." the elder explosive didn't seem angry, just amused really

"Well alright, sorry to bother you sir um, what's your name dude?"

"Eh my mane? I don't have a mane sonny boy! You best be going along to the next booth to find those floorhobs."

Jack just chuckled as he turned around to leave "Cool, cool, jeep it fool older guy." he left with finger snap

"You keep it "fool" too sonny boy, huehuehue…" the bombomb chuckled, holding his new boomerang behind his round back

"Oh so's I'm a bandit, I'm your prime suspect eh?... I see how it is with you authority types, always casting your stereotypes on us all eh?" the green hooded Bandit kept poking Janis in the chest, who just had almost an amused look on his face

"Well, to honest I always thought you Bandits stole chump change and a few random items now and again, but Doorknobs come on? That's a pretty specific field"

"Oh, so's you're not saying you're asking me about the knobby-wobblies because I'm a bandit?" The hooded hoodlum took a step back, giving the fire koopa a bit of breathing space

"I have to ask everyone in this part of the train, gotta cover all my bases you know what I mean. But yeah, being a Bandit does make you a prime suspect, comes with the name and all" Janis chuckled "Unless of course you're the rare type of Banit that band's things together?" Janis nudged him a bit, winking to boot

The non-banding Bandit was not amused "Whatta getting at buster? You calling me somethin I'm not, eh? You think I'm suspicious because I'm a bandit, eh? Well I didn't steal your blinking precious knobbly-wobblies, because they's for saps, you sap" the tallish shyguy-ish being stuck his tongue out at the koopa as his final magnum opus in his long line, of short insults

"Ok, ok so you didn't steal the doorknobs, but you can't blame me for asking, catch you later Bandit, maybe even in the act" Janis chuckled some more as he walked away going into the next booth, and quickly out of earshot.

"In the act, eh? Still suspicious, eh?...We'll see about that…" from his robe the self proclaimed innocent pulled out a walkie talkie "This is Little B to Big P, the Cow is spooked, I repeat the Cow is spooked, over…."

"Badges?... You're looking for badges?" Kurt was lost, very, very lost. He come in asking about one random object and now he was asking about another. What ever happened to the simple missions like, Get the Princess, or Stop Mario? Sure they were dangerous but at least there was a knowable goal, this, this was harder than locust wood for a kitchen table

"Mmm hmmm hmmm hmmm, you're still confused as ever aren't you, turtle dove?" the white squeek or as some might saw a small mouser mirthed at the poor dazed koopa

"Yes! Yes I am, I came in here asking about doorknobs, why I don't know because someone stole them from this train? Why? I don't know. And now you're talking about badges! Yes I am confused." in an act of frustration he put his face to the wall and sighed

"My you are a feisty one." the mouse jumped up and patted the Koopa's shoulder, like everything was going to be ok after all "Making this train ride a little interesting I must say."

Kurt slowly peeled his face from the wall from which he planted it "I'm not feisty, I'm just confused, did you, or did you not steal the doorknobs?" How many times am I going to say that today…

"Of course not silly dove, I told you I'm after badges." the squeek openly admitted, much to Kurt's dismay

"Ok ok ok, what are badges exactly? Like Koopa Kid badges? Police badges? What?"

The female mouse just threw her tiny head back in laughter "... Sure dove, let's go with that."

Kurt frowned "You know with that red mask of yours...and your mannerisms make you awfully suspicious…You are you anyway?"

"Oh? Me, Mmmm Hmmm Hmm, well that's for me to know and you to find out."

"Wait wha-" he was too late and too slow, she had hopped up, smooched his cheek and in a dashing feet of acrobatics was already balancing on the open window sill

"Here's a hint, watch out for doorknobs of a royal nature, Oh and stay confused turtle dove it suits-" with a wink and a flash she was gone, out the window and presumably out of Kurt's dazed and confused life

"...Wait a second, was I just kissed by a mouse?... How should I feel?..."


	15. And It's a Princess, Wha-?

The search for the doorknob thief continued and needless to say the interrogation of the train's various occupants had yielded no fruit. The only thing gained for the three brothers was confusion, a few lost items, and lost time. If they didn't figure out who exactly stole the doorknobs, if they were indeed stolen than they'd be forced to miss their stop.

They weren't foolish enough to think Cindy would let them go without finishing a job that she sent them all out to do. Funny enough though, Cindy hadn't taken to the questioning part of the venture, no she had tasked herself with the ordeal of getting in contact with the conductor, which as she found pounding on the door simply did not work "For the last time open up! I know you can probably hear me in there!"

"Miss, please! I told you the conductor is busy running the train!" the nervous toad known as Frank begged for what was most certainly the fourth time

"Too busy to deal with a massive theft on his train?!" she kept pounding on the door

"What would he do though? He just drives the train, and stuff like that, not that he does that all to well…"

"What was that Fank?" Cindy raised an eyebrow, as she thought she heard something a bit snide come from the toad

"Hmmm? Oh nothing, just saying he's got to drive the train is all Miss" the toad twiddled his fingers, refusing to make eye contact with the Koopa, and before she could ask him any more questions, she heard.

"Hey Cindy Sue!" It was Jack, of course, no one else would call her something so, so cool and silly all at once "We're back!"

The Ice Sister turned around, claws on her shoulders, Jack was the only one who looked remotely happy, and even he looked put off "So whatcha find boys?" she knew the answer, but it was a nice formality to ask anyway.

"Just a bunch of dudes, you know… Hey have you seen boomerangs? I think I lost them again…" Jack shrugged patting down his make believe pockets

Janis patted him on the back "I didn't find much myself, just a Bandit yelling at me for suspecting him of being a Bandit" he chuckled at the thought "So yeah nothing much"

"Uh-huh…" Cindy wasn't liking these prospects, even if her brothers were a bit… spacey sometimes, they wouldn't botch a job that badly "How about you Kurt what did you find?"

Kurt blinked remembering what he most certainly found, and thought it would be best to leave out the whole… smooch part "Eh, I didn't find anything really, really. I guess there was this one squeek that said something about royal doorknobs or something, I dunno this train is getting more weird by the minute"

Cindy frowned "Royal doorknobs? Kurt did you get enough sleep last night?"

Kurt sighed "Yes I got plenty of sleep, certainly enough to not be hearing things, so you can rest assured."

Janis chuckled "Heh, rest… because he's tired-"

"Shut it, this is serious" Kurt more said to cut off his annoyance

"Wait did you guys say royal doorknob?..." Frank pipped up out of the blue, still twiddling his thumbs "Um, I gotta go check the diner car… to see if it's um dine-ing properly" the toad scuttled off, just as nervous as before, leaving the small family of koopas confused

"Um dudes, did he know something we don't?..." Jack for once was the first to catch onto something and even took a few steps to stop the toad, but sighed "... Maybe he just had to go to the little toads room or something?"

Cindy face palmed "We need to find out what that toad knows and on the double, Janis, Jack you go find him, Kurt stay with me and help me get this door down, we need to speak to the conductor asap" The obvious leader commanded her reluctant troops with ease, and reluctant they may have been they were quick to spring forth into action. Not quickly enough however…

Out of all the booths, in musical chronograph like fashion jumped a gang of Bandits, and most certainly the blue hooded variant . "Whoa hey!... What's the hold up?" Janis nearly fell on his face as he skidded to a stop, coming face to face with the green miffed bandit from before

"Lookie here, it's that Koopy Troopy from earlier today eh? Marching off to find a toad eh? That's what you think Koopy Troopy, that's what you think." the Bandit poked the red koopa in the chest, causing further bamboozlement.

Cindy stepped forward not in the mood for this folly "Who do you all think you are? Wait no, doesn't matter, you are in the way and that's a major problem" her claw began to swear with mist and small snowflakes

"We shall not lose this trains to the likes of you and your bumbling brothers three!" was the shouted reply and return challenge. The voice however did not belong to anyone within the room, which caused much chuckling betwitched the bandits

Cindy however snarled and snapped her neck about looking for the owner of the voice "WHo are you! Show yourself coward!"

With a flash, the door at the end of the car was kicked open, standing in the doorway was a Banit of sorts, brown robe, a small plastic tiara stuck on the top of their head, bits of hair could be seen poking from behind the mask "It is I! Princess Doorknob! And I have stolen all of the doorknobs and left you immobile! First this train shall be mine, than the world. For how can I be stopped if you can't open the door to get to me!"

Kurt paused a moment than a light flicked on within the internal workings of his mind "OHHHHHHHHH I GET IT NOW! Royal doorknobs!"


End file.
